I love to run. I know for a lot of people the notion sounds crazy. My husband is constantly questioning me; but why? The idea that I enjoy running for 3 hours at a time baffles him. Believe me, trying to explain to others why I find this enjoyable can be quite a challenge sometimes. Like when you are midway through a 33 kilometre training run, and it is flogging down with rain, you are saturated, wet and cold to the core, you can literally pour the water out of your waterlogged trainers, but you’re 15 odd kilometres away from where you started and you know that running back is the only way home. It’s the runs like these when you too, wonder ‘whhhhyyyy?’.
However, overall, I love running. I have always loved to run ever since I was a young girl. I can’t quite recall when I first started, but my father was a runner, having completed multiple marathons and ultras, he always inspired me and would have encouraged me to start. Maybe running is hereditary and I was always destined to follow in his footsteps, no encouragement needed. Regardless, over the years I have run a lot of kilometres.
While pounding the pavement I have learnt a thing or two about life and chasing dreams of your true self. Having recently started this blog and my coaching business, I had a realisation the other day, of course, it came to me as I ran extremely slowly up one of the steep hills near my house; in many ways running serves as and has become a bit of a metaphor for me for chasing dreams that honour my true self.
Indulge me as I share it with you. I hope you relate.
As aforementioned I started running when I was a young girl. I used to run before school with my dad and one of my best friends who was a real gun runner; she went on to represent our Province. She was of course, much better than me and when I wanted to give up or stop for a breather she’d encourage me to keep going. After much resistance on my part; “I can’t anymore, I feel like I am going to die, I can’t breathe!” she’d allow me to stop, but she would annoyingly (to me) just keep running, circling back and around trees and me until I was able/ready to continue running. At the time this used to drive me nuts, partly because I wanted to have as much endurance and stamina as what she had, both mentally and physically but also because deep down I knew that she was onto something by not stopping. I’d feel bad that I couldn’t keep going because I think, subconsciously I knew I actually could keep going; after all, she was proving to me that it could be done. But I was choosing to believe I wasn’t capable of continuing.
Time went on; I kept running and stopping for breathers. I never really made it further than 5 or 6kms back then. I didn’t believe I could make it further. Eventually, I stopped running for a while.
After a long break and the most bizarre form of inspiration, I decided I wanted to take up running again. This time though I had a few goals and I decided to adopt my friend’s methodology of ‘just keep going’. I started with just running to the next tree, no matter how slowly, just one step at a time, and one foot in front of the other. Gradually over time, I was able to complete 5km with ease, then 10km, then 14, 21, 33km, and on race day 42km was completed, simply by putting one foot in front of the other, never giving up, I just kept going and believing that I could.
I learned this very valuable lesson from her; even when you want to give up; ‘just keep going’. It is much easier to give up, to believe that we don’t have what it takes. When you keep going, no matter how slowly or even if just to the next tree, bit by bit you reach your goals, your dreams, and beyond.
As much as I love running, I pretty much all but stopped for about 10 years. This was due to many reasons. Other things started to take precedence; socialising, going out drinking with my mates, being too hungover the next day. My lifestyle and career dominated my existence. I was no longer surrounded by other people who liked to run, who’d encourage me to keep going, or even, in this case, encourage me to go for a run. I was enjoying myself and distracted by other things but I also got lazy. I’d taken a bit of a detour, but I had not given up completely.
One day while at work we were asked to join a fundraising event; running in budgie smugglers (that’s speedos for anyone who isn’t Aussie) to raise money for charity. That was the catalyst that I needed, all of my old, fond childhood memories of running came flooding back. During this run, I didn’t stop for a breather, but that was most likely because I was running in bikini bottoms through the CBD of Sydney. But it did teach me that I didn’t need to stop for a breather and that as easy as it was to say yes to a 3km charity run was as easy as it needed to be for me to get back on the trot.
Next up I signed up for the City2Surf, the world’s largest fun run. The famous 14km route from the City to Bondi Beach via the gorgeous scenic Eastern suburbs of Sydney. By this stage, I’d been living in Sydney for 7 years and kept ‘meaning’ to sign up, but always managing in some way or another to convince myself that I couldn’t do it. Sounding so similar to the niggling dreams I’d always had of being an entrepreneur… ‘I couldn’t possibly be an entrepreneur…what do I know? Where and how would I even start?’
Gradually over the next 3 years, I progressed to a half marathon (21kms) and two fulls (42kms), in fact completing these 3 races in the same year. Once started, the progress was slow and gradual but over time I had started to pick up the pace. Just keep going, one foot in front of the other, don’t give up.
One of the things I love the most about running is the sense of accomplishment once you’ve finished a race. The first cold beer after running tastes better than any beer you’ve had in your life up to that point. While I feel accomplished for finishing the race it is watching and cheering others on as they cross the line that makes me well up every time. It’s emotional. It is inspiring. Watching ordinary people of all shapes, sizes, abilities, and ages cross the finish line because you know that everyone running has set themselves a goal or are chasing a dream of theirs; ‘to run a marathon’. And 4 or 5 hours on, one step at a time they are doing it, they are achieving their goal! Their goal might have been to raise money for a cause or simply a bucket list item, whatever it is; it is amazing to bear witness to. Because trust me, running 42km for 3 plus hours straight, takes guts, grit, and some serious determination. So when I see old folk, blind folk, people in wheelchairs, mums, dads, and everyone in between, running and finishing a marathon it inspires me. It reminds me that the human spirit can be unwavering, we can really can, do anything.
As I sit watching, I am instantly inspired to keep going, at that moment I am working out where and when my next race will be.
When I was about 11 or 12 I made it into the school cross country team, it was a bit of a momentous occasion because there was just one cross country team, and it consisted only of boys. But this year another girl and I had qualified for the team due to our times being in the top 10 out of boys and girls in our age group. Despite some disgruntled boys, we joined the team that went on to compete in the interschool meet. I recall arriving to many jeers and snide comments from spectators on the sidelines as we were the only 2 girls present at the event, of course, all this did was spur us on. We had earned our right to be there fair and square. I remember putting my head down and running my little heart out, I don’t recall too much of the race itself but I do remember the celebrations and the bus ride back home – needless to say, our team won the event.
When you sign up for a marathon, let’s just say you know that it isn’t going to be a walk in the park. You generally need to put in a good couple of months of training, working up the kilometres, endurance, and mental training. You run and you run and you run, several times a week, come rain, hail, shine or the worst; wind!
Some like to fill their time by listening to podcasts, audiobooks, or music to make the kilometres pass quicker, but I like to take in the scenery and my surroundings. Despite the gruelling preparation, the blisters and the sore, achy muscles for days on end running has become an escape for me. I enjoy the process and the art of running; it has taught me how to quieten my mind and serves as a form of meditation. It fills my cup, it helps me to clear my head after a long day, it makes me feel alive in the morning, cures a hangover, allows me to take in amazing scenery and corners of neighbourhoods that I’d ordinarily would not ever have explored. Running is strenuous; it is hard work especially when training for a long race. It takes a lot of effort, but it makes me a better human.
That is the thing when you are doing something that you love, you know you are chasing your dreams and your truth because the work is hard, but you love it! It doesn’t feel like hard work. You can lose yourself in it, like a trance-like meditation, but you also enjoy the ride and the scenery along the way.
My hubby always jokes that being the support crew is the hardest job about marathon running. While this is total bullshit, elements of it are true. It goes without saying that having a team of cheerleaders spurs you on; when you want to stop for that breather when you think you’ve got nothing left in the tank. When you have been going for 33km in the sun and you’re faced with a 3.5km stretch of beach to conquer, complete with a rising tide and massive waves, it’s then that you call on your support crew, whether it’s seeing them in the flesh or knowing that they have your back and are cheering you on from afar. If they are cheering you on from afar then you lean on your fellow runners and their support crews, the people that are there at that very moment.
While running is very much an individual game it is the comradery that’s created between yourself and your fellow runners that makes running a race so special. You are all there to achieve individual goals but you are there together, you share encouraging words, you share your support crew and you get through it stronger together.
It’s more about collaborating and binding together over competition. Because you are ultimately just racing against yourself and your own measures of success, and when you finish a marathon no matter what time you’ve done it in, your support crew celebrate you, they lift you and they praise you because you just ran 42 freaking kilometres and that’s a bloody long way.
You can train and train and train, but no one** completes a full marathon in training before they complete an actual full race day marathon (**disclaimer, not that I know of at least…but I stand to be corrected). This means that the last 9kms or so, but in particular the last 5kms are all down to fate and the Universe. These last 5kms are where your spirit, your determination, your mental game of trust all need to be super strong and on point. You have to release control and go with it. Fully trust that you will make it in this race.
If you overthink it you get caught up in the mindfuckery that is “there’s only 5kms to go, I can run 5kms with my eyes closed, this will be easy”, but, after 37km the last 5kms is never easy. You don’t want your mind playing tricks on you at this stage; you don’t want to fall into the trap of lack of belief in yourself and your ability to run 5km. The last 5kms can be brutal if you push if you try to control and to perfect.
Now is the time to release all expectations, trust that you have done enough, trust the process, and just go with it. Go with it and finish the marathon. Trust that you can live the dreams that honour your true self.
Big love, Nikki x
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