It was 2005. We stood in his twin-share room, in a house shared by thirteen people. It was situated above an Indian restaurant, which was next to MacDonald’s, in East London. My then “to-be” boyfriend, now husband said to me, “Look, here’s the deal, let’s keep having fun, and the moment it’s not fun anymore, we’ll break it off.’ We still laugh about it to this day; the pitch was good! And 15 years on, with a house, a dog and a rather cute 9 month old, we are actually still having fun, and we laugh a lot. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not here to preach about my perfect relationship; it’s far from that. I mean his shoes still end up next to, not in the shoe basket that is situated right next to the front door……but that is a story for another day!
Fun and laughter is everything. I believe it’s so important and healthy to do, not only in a relationship, but for yourself. Of course there’s that old saying that we’ve all heard before: laughter is the best medicine. But according to Psychology Today, “laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, in fact, some researchers believe that the major function of laughter is to bring people together”. Research has also proven that if you have the ability to laugh at yourself, “it makes you attractive to others and can help relieve your own stress”.
Exactly how do we make sure we laugh at each other and ourselves? I guess for us personally, the ‘good pitch’, as stated above, definitely set the tone for the type of relationship that we have, but I genuinely believe that it starts with the ability to laugh at yourself first. I learned a little while ago that rather than beating myself up with negative self talk, if I had a fail during the day, it was much more enjoyable for myself and therefore in turn, more enjoyable for those around me, to look at those fails (of which I tend to have a few) with jest.
Here are my top 3 tips on how to do that. How to laugh in your relationship and at yourself more:
Choose to laugh! Know that only you are responsible for your actions, so you are the person who has the ability to take the first step. You have to make the choice to start cutting yourself some slack, so that you can laugh at yourself. And when you do, laugh at anything and everything, even when you wear white and you spill coffee on it. Yes, laugh! The more you can laugh at yourself, the better.
Share your ‘funnies’, especially, when they are silly and make you feel like they aren’t really that funny. I guarantee that the more vulnerable you are with your own hilarity, the more others will join in to laugh with you. Remember as above stated laughter brings people together. And, it makes you more attractive.
Learn to let shit go and laugh instead. Yes, you heard me. Let, that, shit, GO! Instead of constantly getting hung up every time you find the toilet seat up, the shoes next to the shoe basket, or the dishes packed away incorrectly, try making a joke about these insignificant things, and ask yourself; “In five years, am I really going to want to remember, nagging, or laughing?” I know what I’d prefer.
Remembering to do these three things helps me to have a light hearted approach to life. By placing high value on fun and laughter in our relationship has definitely proven to be worthwhile. Whilst we still fall off the wagon every now and then, but having created existing habits of adopting fun and laughter as a life philosophy, makes getting back on the wagon so much easier, and funnier. Let’s face it, you probably fell off the wagon after you had an argument because you were late leaving the house as you couldn’t find your coffee keep-cup because the dishes weren’t packed away correctly, and your shoes had been taken from the shoe basket by the now commando-crawling, shoe-stealing 9 month old. And, of course, when you look back, that is actually a pretty comical story.
So instead of relying on looking back at the funny shit in your life, ask yourself right now, what have you done or what has occurred to you today that is laughable? And , then go ahead and have a laugh!
Big love, Nikki x
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