Mindful Musings By Slow Coaching Co.

I started thinking about rituals recently. I have always been the type of person who is drawn the idea, the romance even, of having beautiful rituals that I complete daily. I thrive on discipline, which has seen me train for five marathons, go to yoga almost daily and I when I decided that I wanted to take up distance ocean swimming, I simply started swimming laps every day. This sort of motivation and discipline comes almost naturally to me. But I noticed something recently when I completed a 21 day meditation challenge. I meditated for 21 days straight, but as soon as the challenge was over, I seemed to stop my meditating.

​​Hi! I’m Nikki Tiedeman. I am a Personal Power Coach. I am here to help you. You, the successful, 30-something professional who has become accustomed to the stressed out ‘always-on, work-martyrdom’ kind of life, almost believing this is all there is to life, but secretly craving balance and freedom. You dream of having the space and courage to be yourself; to follow your true calling, but you’re fearful… If you’re nodding along, then it is time! It is time for you to step into your own personal power.

Creativity. Today I wanted to talk about this glorious topic. Why do I create? What does it mean for and to me? And, how and why I’ve started to incorporate it into my daily life (mostly, thanks to the beautiful Samantha Wills’ work*). I also want to throw some ideas out there: How can you create? What can creativity bring to your life? Why you should give it a crack? Now, before you click out of this post – yep that’s right, I can already hear you saying, “I don’t have a creative bone in my body!”, I urge you to read on a bit further. Why is it that we tend we only think of creativity as being something artistic? Like painting, drawing, dancing or singing etc. I’ll admit it, I am guilty of following this school of thought until recently when my eyes and heart were opened to a bit of ‘creative’ thinking. And I can say, I am so grateful that they were both opened. Here’s the thing; creativity can be so many things. It can be, and is, different to different people. It certainly shouldn’t be stereotyped and pigeonholed, because then it becomes perceived as an exclusive thing that only creatives have the privilege of enjoying. We definitely shouldn’t be denying ourselves the opportunity to feel the freedom, joy and accomplishment of creating. These feel-good, mood-boosting, bored-busting, comparison-killing, stress-relieving practices need to be available to each and every one of us. Today, I challenge you to think differently about what exactly creativity is to YOU. Get ‘creative’ if you will (yes, that pun was intentional) and think outside the box or inside the box. What is something you already love doing, or something you haven’t done in ages that can be classed as creative, or is creative, but you just never thought of it that way? What is something new you can try? Here is my own example: doodling, yes that’s right. Just scribbling on a page as I sit in a meeting, am listening to music or a lecture or while I’m on conference call. I never used to think of this as true creativity until recently when two things happened to make me think differently. I discovered some old school workbooks from when I was a teenager that I had doodled on and turned into artworks. At least, to me, seeing them 20 odd years on, they became pretty impressive. Or maybe that’s just a product of as we get older, we become less critical of and more loving towards ourselves. But I’ll save that conversation for another day. I also discovered an artist whose art is literally doodles: “Mr Doodle”. This, in some way, gave me the permission I needed to validate my own doodling as creativity. You can check him out here: https://www.instagram.com/mrdoodle/ So here are a few things on my list to help you get some ideas for yourself. Free flowing yoga, just moving my body the way that feels good in my home practice Thinking up class plans, sequencing and flows for yoga sessions or tutorials (yes, I am a teacher) Writing of any form, poetry, blog posts and yes, even social media posts! Dancing and singing (pretty damn badly) for my 8 month old Making and fixing jewelry Homemade toys for above 8 month old Painting, drawing and sketching Learning a new language Dabbling in a touch of photography Making a slideshow and albums from the thousands of pictures stored on my computer (or on CD’s!) of past adventures Journaling, reading, mediating (creating space!) Cooking, well, attempting to be a better cook than what I currently am…. Facilitating group training sessions and public speaking at work This list has nothing to do with what I am actually good at. In fact far from it, I can assure you. I have two left feet and am completely tone deaf and my hubby will attest to this. The list also doesn’t only include traditional artistic or creative outlets. This is key to uncovering your own creativity and in turn being able to reap the rewards of classing yourself as creative. I have now dug out my paints and my beads to start those pursuits up again. I had almost packed away what I classified as my creativity, and once I started to shift the way I thought about this, I realised that I haven’t packed anything away, I have just been, being creative in other ways. By viewing this concept in another way I was opened up to why?. Why I create? What it means to me, brings to my life and how I will keep incorporating it into my daily life. And so, why? Mainly because it’s fun and feels good, Marie Forleo says we should “create before you consume” and I could not agree more. Being creative helps me to become fully present and immersed in the activity I am doing; allowing me avoid mindless scrolling or other time-sapping activities that fuel comparison and self doubt. Being creative is often physical, it occupies and requires me to use a part of my body; my hands, arms or my maybe my legs. It is also requires mental energy; using my mind or my brain in a different way. Because my list of creative pursuits isn’t only about the things I am good at it, helps free me from the comparison and the feeling that there has to be some kind of outcome or result. That, in itself, is liberating and pressure relieving. Lets face it, I’m sure no one else dances as poorly as I do, no one else draws exactly the way I do and no one’s slide show of their lives is going to look like mine. But that doesn’t make them or the process of doing them any less creative than Beyonce’s latest hit. These are things that I get to own, that I get to celebrate and that I get to produce, without any expectations. And that is why I believe that finding something creative you can do each day will bring great joy and a sense of accomplishment to your life. So go on, uncage your inner creative genius!

How good is an log fire? Especially in winter when it is grey, rainy and chilly AF outside and you are curled up in front of the warmth and cosiness of a crackling fire, with a glass of red in hand of course! I might be biased about how good a fire is, see, I grew up in South Africa, we cook barbecues on what we call a braai, which is essentially an open fire. The process of “braai’ing”, is essentially that, a process, it takes time, effort, patience, tender love and care, lots of “deep and meaningful” convos and definitely a few “dops” (aka beverages) to accompany it! I am certain that my deep-seated love for fire is because of my upbringing. We would spend summery Sunday’s, in the garden, sitting around chatting away as the fire burned, after about 3 hours or so eventually, the braai would have burned down to coals which had finally reached “just” the right temp (measured by the ability to hold your hand over the coals for 5 seconds without burning it ) to be able to cook your food on! A braai was always social, because what else do you do with 3-ish hours while waiting for the fire to be ready? The adults would chat, laugh, solve the worlds problems, and as a kid we played outside with our friends while our parents were nearby (how cool versus the usual “go entertain yourself, go play outside”). Then you had the novelty of eating outside, in the garden, always on a paper plate…God only know’s why!? **(This was of course pre my obsession with saving the planet and reducing waste) while another log was thrown onto the fire, so that it could flare back up, making a perfect setting for a few more “dops” for the adults and toasted marshmallows for the kids, after lunch, ah such glorious memories! Such bliss! A very dear (also South African) friend of mine who loves “braai’ing”, the nostalgia and goodness of fire as much, if not more, than me, always says as he sits mesmerised by the fire’s dance, you know Nikki; “no two flames are ever the same”. With the recent autumn days feeling more like winter days, as I lit our fire today, to warm our cool beach house, that sentiment came to mind and nostalgia washed over me, and I started to think about the symbolism that fire carries. I had never paid too much attention to those words before…but today they created perfect analogy for “celebrating and embracing individuality”. Let me elaborate, when researching the symbolism of fire, various words come up: passion, rebirth, destruction, hope, purification, power… Here is my take, a fire is useful; it has been an essential for the survival of humanity, it provides comfort and warmth, it makes you feel good. To light a fire however takes time, skill, patience, and care and to keep a fire burning you need to nurture it, you can not just leave it be or it will go out, you need to keep fueling and maintaining it, doing so with kindness and respect in order for it to be its most powerful, radiating self. The thing with a fire is that there is no other fire like it! It is unique and it is memerising, no two flames are ever the same! Although if careless fire it can turn destructive and cause harm. If you think of embracing your individuality like a fire the similarities are immense. Firstly stepping into your own power and embracing your gifts takes some courage! To quit comparing yourself to others takes perseverance, so you have to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with care! You have got to be patient with yourself as you take time to build up the bravery you need to stand out from the crowd and to be uniquely you! Learning your strengths and how to play to them is a skill and takes practise, just like when your learned to ride a bike for the first time. In order to keep your confidence up you have to nurture your mind constantly, with positive stories, affirmations and mantras, you can’t just expect the confidence to keep burning forever… You know when you are being your best self, you feel amazing and you are mesmerisling, your warmth and passion inspires others around you to be their best selves, to embrace their own individuality. You do so authentically, and humbly, as the moment you allow your ego to appear, flashing about, trying to conform others around you to be like you, destruction, ignorance and sabotage kick in…..and our old friend comparison returns. “No two flames are ever the same” and never will they be! Ponder over that while you sip on your glass of red in front of the fire next time, or even better still for all the Saffa’s out their, your “dop” while you cook a chop on a braai! ** a weird tradition I have no idea the origin of….although more likely somethings as boring as to save on washing up after too many “dops” by the fire!

It was 2005. We stood in his twin-share room, in a house shared by thirteen people. It was situated above an Indian restaurant, which was next to MacDonald’s, in East London. My then “to-be” boyfriend, now husband said to me, “Look, here’s the deal, let’s keep having fun, and the moment it’s not fun anymore, we’ll break it off.’ We still laugh about it to this day; the pitch was good! And 15 years on, with a house, a dog and a rather cute 9 month old, we are actually still having fun, and we laugh a lot. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not here to preach about my perfect relationship; it’s far from that. I mean his shoes still end up next to, not in the shoe basket that is situated right next to the front door……but that is a story for another day! Fun and laughter is everything. I believe it’s so important and healthy to do, not only in a relationship, but for yourself. Of course there’s that old saying that we’ve all heard before: laughter is the best medicine. But according to Psychology Today, “laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, in fact, some researchers believe that the major function of laughter is to bring people together”. Research has also proven that if you have the ability to laugh at yourself, “it makes you attractive to others and can help relieve your own stress”. Exactly how do we make sure we laugh at each other and ourselves? I guess for us personally, the ‘good pitch’, as stated above, definitely set the tone for the type of relationship that we have, but I genuinely believe that it starts with the ability to laugh at yourself first. I learned a little while ago that rather than beating myself up with negative self talk, if I had a fail during the day, it was much more enjoyable for myself and therefore in turn, more enjoyable for those around me, to look at those fails (of which I tend to have a few) with jest. Here are my top 3 tips on how to do that. How to laugh in your relationship and at yourself more: Choose to laugh! Know that only you are responsible for your actions, so you are the person who has the ability to take the first step. You have to make the choice to start cutting yourself some slack, so that you can laugh at yourself. And when you do, laugh at anything and everything, even when you wear white and you spill coffee on it. Yes, laugh! The more you can laugh at yourself, the better. Share your ‘funnies’, especially, when they are silly and make you feel like they aren’t really that funny. I guarantee that the more vulnerable you are with your own hilarity, the more others will join in to laugh with you. Remember as above stated laughter brings people together. And, it makes you more attractive. Learn to let shit go and laugh instead. Yes, you heard me. Let, that, shit, GO! Instead of constantly getting hung up every time you find the toilet seat up, the shoes next to the shoe basket, or the dishes packed away incorrectly, try making a joke about these insignificant things, and ask yourself; “In five years, am I really going to want to remember, nagging, or laughing?” I know what I’d prefer. Remembering to do these three things helps me to have a light hearted approach to life. By placing high value on fun and laughter in our relationship has definitely proven to be worthwhile. Whilst we still fall off the wagon every now and then, but having created existing habits of adopting fun and laughter as a life philosophy, makes getting back on the wagon so much easier, and funnier. Let’s face it, you probably fell off the wagon after you had an argument because you were late leaving the house as you couldn’t find your coffee keep-cup because the dishes weren’t packed away correctly, and your shoes had been taken from the shoe basket by the now commando-crawling, shoe-stealing 9 month old. And, of course, when you look back, that is actually a pretty comical story. So instead of relying on looking back at the funny shit in your life, ask yourself right now, what have you done or what has occurred to you today that is laughable? And , then go ahead and have a laugh!

These days, ‘purpose’ seems to be a topic that is thrown about so casually. As though it should be really easy to find. It seems that way, at least, as you scroll through the socials and every other person is either; living their best life, discovering their passions, setting up an online business of their dreams, following their calling or finding their true purpose in life. It almost seems as if you could just walk into a pharmacy or your local organic health store and ask for, “a bottle of purpose please”. Take one pill 3 times a day and then bam, there you have it! You’ll have found your purpose and can now live a life fulfilled. But obviously if that was the case, you’d no doubt have heard about it by now! And unfortunately (or fortunately) it is not that easy.

Back in January, as I created my ‘more of and less of list for 2020’ (aka my ‘New Year’s resolutions’), I reflected on the year that had been, I pondered over a concept I had read about; the idea that we have become ‘Human Doings rather than Human Beings’. At the time this deeply resonated with me. This described how I had been feeling for some time, but hadn’t quite been able to find the words to articulate. Not only had I not found a way to describe how I had been feeling but I almost felt a sense of guilt and regret for feeling this way. I had always considered myself as someone who ‘experienced life’ to the fullest. A weekend ‘just being’ and ‘doing nothing’ was a weekend wasted in my eyes. So this feeling of overwhelm seemed counter intuitive to my desire of living a full life. My life had become so full to the brim, with a million things to do, places to be and people to see. I had become addicted to being busy. Weekends and months filled up 4-6 months in advance, I was always staring down the barrel of no ‘free’ weekends for months on end. Instead of this resulting in me feeling like I was experiencing life to its fullest this left me feeling exhausted and with a sense of despair. Rather than sit with my feelings to get in tune with what they were telling me I continued to suppress and ignore them; ‘This is just life, it’s busy!’. I’d reminisce over my childhood, when a year seemed to be an eternity. I be-rated my childhood self for ever having ‘counted down days’ til Christmas or my birthday. I was secretly craving space to be more present to the life I was living, instead of being so busy all of the time and feeling like the days, months and years were escaping me in the blink of an eye. Little did know, back in January when I had an this epiphany that I had become a Human Doing instead of a Human Being, and deciding that I needed to make some severe changes in my life, that in less than 2 months on we would experience a global pandemic. Covid 19, the virus that would force the whole world into a period of extended lock-down, complete self isolation and social distancing from each other. Such terms and concepts felt extreme and I would never have thought they’d be entering mine or anyone’s realm of existence. If this was not the Universe giving me and the rest of the world a nudge (actually I’d say a full on boot up the arse) to consider slowing down and getting present then I don’t know what else is!? The severe changes I’d started to contemplate aka procrastinate over for my life got forced upon me. I didnt even need to think about how I felt about any of these new concepts, I simply welcomed them with open arms.

I have a confession to make. I recently fell out of a habit. I just stopped my regular asana (physical posture) practice of yoga. Shock, horror and gasps are what I hear from the yogis reading this. But in reality, most of you reading this are probably thinking “that doesn’t sound like such a big deal”. However, I am a yoga teacher. And here’s the thing I actually seriously LOVE yoga. I love it so much, that I’d still make my 6am class even after frequent overnight wake ups to breastfeed my then newborn. In the past, prior to above mentioned newborn, I would happily to get up in the 4’s, yup you read that right, I’d wake up at 430am (even in winter) so that I could take the dog for a walk, or go for a run before my 6am yoga class. That’s the level of love I’m talking about. Therefore, of course at the realisation that I’d fallen out of my beloved habit, I got the guilts big time. The negative-self talk started playing up in my head. For weeks, I beat myself up; how could I have let this happen? My narrative went a little like this; What’s wrong with me? Why am I being so lazy? Why did I think I was disciplined enough with my self practice not to sign up to online classes during Covid’s self-isolation. I’m a fraud! I’ll never be respected as a teacher. Then the excuses and justifications started. We had just moved house and city and we went on a holiday. These disrupted ‘my daily flow’ (excuse the pun). I hadn’t really settled into my new yoga community yet aka there was no one who would miss me or hold me accountable to my absence. Covid and self isolation meant I couldn’t go to a studio to practise and that’s how I prefer to practise. Let’s face it Covid has been the perfect excuse for anything it seems, these days. I was too busy, because; I am setting up a business, doing an intensive course and raising a small human. I’m too tired! These two even come with an additional sprinkle of negative self-talk: “this was never a problem before, when you had a full time job, were training for a marathon or when pregnant – you’re so useless!” I had also started teaching online yoga tutorials for beginners (check them out here: ‘Let’s Practise Yoga Together’) and I’d convinced myself that these counted as my ‘daily practice’….um really Nikki?! Or the last one; it’s ok because I had dedicated more time to mediating daily and that still counts as an arm of yoga right? As you can see the range of emotions were diverse. I went from excuses to justifications as easily as child’s play. I almost managed to convince myself that I had valid reasons for not practising yoga. What the actual? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I recalled one of the lessons that years of practising yoga had taught me; Patañjali’s Sūtra 1.2: “Yogas citta vrtti nirodhah” which can be viewed as the “goal of yoga”. When directly translated; “The restraint of the modifications of the mind – stuff is Yoga”. I remembered another reason why I love yoga, because of what the practice is all about, ultimately in yoga we are aiming to quieten our mind chatter. With that thought in mind, there was no longer the need for excuses or justifications, no need to jump on-board every train of thought I was having. Rather I just had to get back to doing the yoga and moving my body. Without any further deliberating the next day when I woke up at 5am to feed the baby, I didn’t climb back under the covers to get another quick hour of shut eye, I decided to roll out my mat and get moving. It felt great! I instantly forgave myself for all the mean, negative self-talk and I made a commitment to get back to my yoga at a minimum 4 out of 7 days a week, even if just for 10 minutes. Because as I love to say; ’10 minutes are better than no minutes’

I recently wrote a post about life purpose and how to start to go about finding it. I mentioned in that post that it feels like purpose is such a buzzword at the moment. Buzzword alludes that it would be really accessible, but I believe the opposite. I believe that defining exactly what purpose is can be terribly tricky. The irony though is that; the process of defining it for yourself is so deeply important. I believe that if you live a purposeful life you live a life more fulfilled. Your life has more meaning, your daily behaviours and habits become intentional and considered.