I recently wrote a post about life purpose and how to start to go about finding it. I mentioned in that post that it feels like purpose is such a buzzword at the moment. Buzzword alludes that it would be really accessible, but I believe the opposite. I believe that defining exactly what purpose is can be terribly tricky. The irony though is that; the process of defining it for yourself is so deeply important. I believe that if you live a purposeful life you live a life more fulfilled. Your life has more meaning, your daily behaviours and habits become intentional and considered.
Whether or not you have contemplated this deep existential question, I will now attempt to articulate what it is for me. I figured I’d share my musings with you maybe you will relate, maybe you won’t. Regardless, I hope you might feel inspired to think about your own purpose in life and how it can contribute to you living a life more fulfilled. Although I have always been fascinated with the idea of purpose, I never really understood how it showed up for me and could impact my life. I never really dove deeper into my subconscious to uncover what it meant. Like the typical, ‘too busy with life’, working woman I just did nothing and ignored the whispers, the inklings of ‘there has got to be something more’.
It was as if the idea of purpose seemed too ‘illusive’ for me or a ‘luxury’ that only some got to live according to. Sure, I’d read books and dabbled with what it meant to me, but I didn’t make the time to work out what to do with my feelings and thoughts on it.
My purpose however, had been residing in the depths of my mind and heart; marinating, formulating, blossoming and her whispers getting louder. Eventually (via a story that I will share on its own at a later date) I started to pay attention and to listen. I dug out all my old ideas of what my purpose was. There were so many words, the idea was super loose and vague, it only half made sense. But as I embarked on my journey of becoming a life coach, whose intention it is, to share my musings and stories and be of service to others, I knew I needed to have my purpose and ‘my why’ be crystal clear in order for it to be my guiding light.
I started doing some inner work; recalling my memories, my life experiences, sitting in stillness and meditation. There was some deep diving into my subconscious, allowing my thoughts and feelings and to bubble up to the surface in their own time. I released the need for control, for perfection and for immediate answers…I started to listen, I started to write, I started to feel. I forced myself to let go, create space and start to trust. I needed to trust my intuition and the Universe to lead me to my purpose.
While that all sounds so simple, almost romantic in a way, let me tell you; it is not. It is damn hard work. Somehow over time I had become a doer, I craved certainty, I wanted to plan things according to time lines, outcomes and control. Releasing and trusting the process felt so immensely foreign to me. And this raised waves of anguish. I felt so disappointed and frustrated with myself. I came to the realisation that I never used to be this way. I always used to make decisions and choices based on what felt right and what nourished my soul. Back then, I used to think what will be the most fun? How had I become so conditioned, so rigid and so detached from my inner voice and her needs? How had I lost sight of ‘my why’? The process of sitting in my shadows of my frustration and emotions, to keep questioning myself was not easy. But I kept questioning and seeking: What do I want and need from this life? What feels right? What is my heart telling me? What gets me out of bed each day? What legacy do I want to leave? What is my calling, my true North? What is my purpose?
Very slowly answers did emerge.
With the help of a coach I was able to further hold myself accountable to actually doing the work rather than procrastinating and putting it off. My purpose started to come to the surface. It started to make sense to me.
I felt enlightened; I started to feel more complete. I was learning to listen. I was learning to abandon the ‘shoulds’ of life; ‘who I should be, what I should be doing’. Things started to feel right and fall into place; stars were aligning, the Universe working with me. I felt closer to my purpose and committed to living life fulfilling it.
Excited and inspired I continued to immerse myself into more learning. I read books and blogs and listened to podcasts, but it wasn’t until I started to coach that I had my biggest epiphany about purpose, which is this: I don’t believe that purpose can be defined as a thing. “Ha, that’s super vague Nikki” I hear you say. And well, yes it is, but bear with me.
Purpose is made up of many moving parts and is a feeling.
It is your why.
It is your calling in life. That could mean your life’s work. Or it could be your passion. Or it could just be a culmination of tiny little things that make you happy; in a sense an intentional way of living.
Purpose can be the impact you have on others. It is your legacy.
It’s the feeling of your heart singing.
The synchronicity of coming to this conclusion while coaching seems uncanny, but it is not at all. My purpose in life involves being of service by making a difference to the lives of others. By collecting stories, seeking to understand and learning without judgement I hope to share my lived experiences and the goodness that this life has to offer. So it seems natural that through coaching on this topic, while staying true to my own purpose and maintaining a beginner’s mind I was able to learn so much. That is one of the things that I love about being a coach is that it is not about me having all the answers. Rather I guide and support my clients to unveil their own answers that sit within. That is so powerful for everyone involved. That is what makes my heart sing.
Throughout this process I have continuously been drawn back to a vision I have of my future. It is one of the tips I shared on how to find your purpose; to think of your legacy, to think of yourself as an 80 year old one day, what would you want to say about your life? I see myself as a grandmother, I am in my rocking chair on my deck, with my colourful nanna blanket on my knees I am sipping my spicy coffee. I’m telling stories, they are wild, they are fun (and funny, I hope!). They are of a joyous, untamed life. They carry lessons and they inspire.
While I always had an idea that this vision is linked to living a purposeful life, it never occurred to me before that; this exercise of visualising one’s future and one’s legacy, wasn’t commonplace for most people. I had never actually put much thought into how or when this vision came about, because it has always just seemed to be there. I’ve had it all along, its been there from when I was a young girl. But now it all makes sense, you always have the answers you seek. Sometimes they are even staring you in the face without you realising it.
How liberating. I’m open. I am listening. I feel my heart singing.
I feel my purpose pulsing.
Big love, Nikki x
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